I really don't know what I want in life. I don't know what's my goal. I have no idea what to do. I simply can't make up my mind. I am not focus. I don't know if its my parents who is giving me a hard time or is it just me? I am so stress thinking about what is going to come ahead. I know at the time being I have to find a job to just get out from this dungeon and let my mind rest. I am not contented or complacent about my life. I have a goal but I ain't sure of it really. I am so bloody fickle and I can change my mind in an instant. I'm not usually a fickle-minded person but now I really am. I know some people wash their hands off me because I am being overly fickle. This is a point of time whereby I felt really hopeless.

It's a big leap between being a student and reaching the age whereby I have to feed myself. It's not that I don't wanna find a job, it's just that I really don't know what I want and it is eating me up. It's really really stressful. (And when I'm stress, chocolate is my only remedy. I just can't stand looking at other food.) People around me has been telling me this and that. I hear their advice and took them into consideration but sometimes I just wish they can all shut up! I so realise that I have to help myself because no one ever will help me. I wanna stand on my own feet and I'm gonna pick myself up when I crumble.

I applied for so many jobs online. I know I have to have some patience but it's really annoying to be in a situation whereby people are pressurising me to find a job. You think I'm an idiot? You think I like staying at home bumming around? I'm so not looking forward for the month of May as I can already feel the tension this month will produce. It is gonna be an overwhelming month. Time is ticking by so fast it's just hard to believe we've stepped into April. I once told myself that I must find a job by March. Look where the calendar has brought me. Being jobless is a burden to me now not because I have people to feed but one will know the reason why when she/he really understand my situation.

I learned in life we have to be selfish and take what's ours. When I am feeling really fucked up like I am now, all I wanna do is to go to the beach with my camera. But I am in a midst of something now, I am busy and have been in front of the screen since morning till I go cock eye! I don't wish to go out as I wanna finish my stuff asked to do by my uncle. It also looks like I'm getting on everyone's last nerve today. I just wanna find a place to rant so here I am.

Out.

The DIVA whined

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