I've been doing self-reflection today. Many things ran through my mind. I have to stop being petty at times over little things. I felt so torn. I'm tired! I always blame it on PMS but come to think about it, PMS only contributes 20% to my mood swings. I hate doing things that I don't like doing such as housework. It's not a choice. Now I find that there are always benefits behind everything we do involuntarily. I have one more big issue which I would like to address. I'm not arrogant. There is a difference between cockiness and confidence. It depends on how one decipher. Being called 'arrogant' and 'cocky' is such a derogatory for me. That's just not me. I learn to live with it because I got that a lot. I have to admit I do not like a certain type of people but overall I'm cool. You do good, I do good. Fair enough right?
I've been pretty upset with things these few days. I've never rant out about my something that I felt very deep about here but I think for today I am going to. I hate the fact that guys are attracted to me for my new image. It's really uncalled for. That is why I always treasure my friends who has been nice to me even when I wasn't too pleasant to look at. I hate mats and stupid guys! I'm sorry but I really do. I have a big problem with their cynicism. I was in Geylang just now and I saw my old friend at the train station. She's expecting. I didn't wanna ask her anything too personal because I can forebode the story. She used to be such a decent girl. I would not once imagine her to end up like this. She has changed on the outside but deep down inside, she is still the sweet girl I know. Her parents can't accept her even though I know she is remorseful about it. It breaks my heart seeing her that way. She was my childhood friend for more than 10 years...
Talking about poverty, I've always thought that poverty doesn't really exist in Singapore. But there are many out there who are really poor and has used up all their savings for medical expenses. There's one family featured on 'Kau Istimewa', the daughter has kidney failure and has to undergo dialysis thrice a week and she has a younger brother who is suffering the same fate, and he is deaf. Their father's medisave and saving has ran dry. They lead such a drop dead simple life. Sometimes it brought tears to my eyes seeing their plight. Nobody wants to be born that way. This has made me realise that I am lucky to be where I am now. Even though I came from a broken family, I've learned how to deal with it. I always conclude I have the worse fate because I've been unhappy not having a mother around when I was a kid. It is not a good feeling. So do treasure your mom...
Oh well.. For the past weekend, I've not been out. Been indoors doing housework in preparation for lebaran. And today, it's Geylang with Ann and Anna. Fifth time and counting... Looks like this year is my Geylang year. I went there only once last year.
